“Human Superglue” 

The most awkward and uncomfortable social interaction ever. 

By Sarah Lee

November 17, 2015

Human Glue, but not the good kind. The bad kind, like superglue that sticks your fingers together and just won’t go away until you forcefully pry away or patiently wait until it wears off…hours or days later.

(Note: Hamina is too nice so I'm writing this one.) 

We love having a great friend is always there for us.

But some of us know that one person who just won’t leave us alone.

Important Key Difference: It’s not that this person doesn’t have friends, or is socially awkward (albeit he or she might be socially unaware,) but for whatever reason this person sticks to you like glue.

They can't take a hint - but they also take it to a whole new level. 

You might not even notice the person you are with plans on clinging to you like super glue, until you casually say…

“Okay, it was really awesome hanging out with you but now I really need to go take care of something.”

Then you realize you. can’t. get. rid. of. him…or in my case her.

The best example of socially unaware super glue is *Laura.

When I first met her, I thought she was a sweet little shy transfer student who just wanted to make friends. So one day, I thought I should introduce her to Hamina and her hermanito. 

Everything was fine, but time passed and Hamina, her bro, and I had plans to eat at a Chinese food place about 35 minutes away.

We begin to signal.

“Hey, it was great talking but we need to go. We have other plans, but I’ll see you tomorrow” Cue #1 – exit right.

“Where are you going?” She asks. 

A sinking feeling enters my stomach. I can feel it coming.

“I promised to take Sarah and my brother out to try this Chinese food place to pay her back for lunch the other day” Hamina says with her signature poker face. 

Cue #2 Hamina is paying for me and her brother. Private. 

We drop cues blitzkrieg style. Still, nothing. 

“Cool, I could use some Chinese food.” Laura says. And we have all been super glued. 

And so it begins.

At the restaurant, she drinks from Hamina’s little brother’s cup of juice because she wanted to try it not realizing he’s HATES to drink from the same cup as others because he finds it unsanitary.

She has no money, and so Hamina pays for her food.

We later find out Laura’s boyfriend is a drug dealer and she is an addict. I notice she begins to open a class vial of what looks like the liquid inside of a Hookah pen. She begins to sniff (or snort) it – the car jerks – and she spills it on her backpack. She then begins to hunch over and lick the liquid from her bag.

This is not good because Hamina’s parents would kill her if her car smelled like drugs – even legal ones.

P.S. And this is just one example.

Once, I told her I was going to my room to sleep because I have a shift at work right after that lasts until midnight. But because she wants to wait to avoid rush hour, she asks me if she can hang out in my room. While. I. Am. Sleeping. 

You can mess with my money, you can mess with me, but when you mess with my sleep you have crossed a line. 

*Laura is a pseudonym 

Music Reinterpreted: Hotline Bling

My brother and I are cruising down the highway when I hear the faint sound of Drake's hotline bling on the radio. Being that this is my current jam I start screeching the lyrics with no shame and #noragrets
 
My brother, in an effort to get me to shut the hell up for just one second, tries to distract me with a challenge.

"Sooooo Hamina, what do you think this song means?" It works, I love this game and I am ready with my answer because I have often wondered what this song REALLY means.

The biggest clue is in the line: "I know when that hotline bling / That can only mean one thing"

Here's a hint:

Here's the gist of the story. The song is in the mayor's point of view and the subject of this song is his secretary Ms. Bellum. We all know they had a thing going on, the mayor was tots crushing on his leggy secretary.


She used to call him on his cell phone and the poor infatuated mayor took this to mean that his infatuation wasn't one-sided, despite her calls being purely professional.

So the mayor leaves the city for a professional reason (let's say he is thinking about becoming a governor) but he leaves it in the capable hands of Ms. Bellum and her cell phone calls stop coming.

You know why? Cuz she's got her shit together unlike the flustered ditz of a mayor, she doesn't need to be checked on.

He was at least counting on her cell phone calls in case the hotline rang, cause lets face it, there was always a monster comin' around Townsville. Yet the statuesque ginger knew what that hotline bling meant. It meant the Powerpuff girls need to kick some ass!

The mayor feel dejected and left out as his town is running much smoother without his presence.

This is the obvious truth, nothing else makes sense and when I explained it to my brother he agreed as well.

 Though I realized afterward that by the time I was done explaining the song was over, but that's alright. I still kicked back into my seat and "sang" the song without any music....from the very beginning.

Btw, Sam Smith's cover of the song is just....wow
Click HERE to see the video

The original:
Click HERE to watch

If you have any other theories over this or would like to expand on mine, let me know!

--Laters,

Hamina