College Conversations: Crazy Lady Comes to Work

Saturday, September 19, 2015


True Story: When a Crazy Woman Comes to Work

by Sarah Lee

This is a true story that I emailed to Hamina and a couple other friends, but all of the names have been replaced. 

So, I'm emailing because Hamina seems to have gotten in trouble with her parents. They took her phone away, but also this story was too long to text.

This crazy thing happened today at work and I just have to you tell you guys via story mode. 

There I am, just sitting in my office doing paperwork, making appointments, etc.

A thin woman, probably a little over middle aged, stands outside the glass door to my office in with an orange shirt and really worn jeans with sunglasses on. Her sunglasses are the only thing that looks new - how do I know? She has a huge tag popping out of it. 

The first thing I thought was "that's strange she forgot to take off the tag." But as she walks in I notice she left the "100% UV protection" sticker on the lens too. My second thought: "She stole it."

Woman: "Ma'am I need to check in"
Me: "Check in...? What for?"
Woman: "I'm suicidal and have mental illnesses"

I'm thinking "WTFreak!? HUH!? Whaaat?" but say "um I think you have the wrong office..."

Woman: "I came here last time and I need to check in" I think to myself "nope that's not right."
She reaches for a lollipop, but when I turn to look at her she stops and slowly withdraws her hand like a child who was scolded.
Me: "You can have one if you want...?" I say.
Woman: "No ma'am"

I tell her she needs to wait and sit in the chair in front of my desk. 

The woman completely empties her pockets, and pours the contents onto my desk including several mints (which I guessed were taken from other stores because each one was different) several beaded bracelets, a random pair of tennis shoes with socks stuffed inside, papers, and what I was desperately hoping was not a shiv wrapped in brown tape and paper towels.

I instinctively google "mental illness organizations and institutions" nearby, I call their "hotline" and wait. I was on hold for three phone cycles of ringing, and no one answered. 

I thought "Wow, worst hotline ever."

Then, I go back into the office and talk to a tenant who works from my office.

Me:  "Hey, there's a woman here and she's clearly unstable, said she has mental illness and is suicidal." Her jaw drops but she tells me to go downstairs and tell the secretary of the building, Jodie.

I walk downstairs and there's a group of people huddled at the front door with Jodie.
I flag her down and say "There's a woman in my office and she says she has mental illness and is suicidal." 

Another lady says "Yup, that must be the same woman. She walked into my office and said she was hot. Then she took off her shirt - and there was nothing underneath. I finally told her she needed to put her shirt back on and leave the office."

Jodie sent two guys upstairs with me to remove her from the office. We walked inside. I found the woman hunched over a garbage bag.

Tenant: "Hi Sarah, so I put the trashcan there because she said she's nauseous, and I asked Chloe (I realized our tenant discovered the name of the crazy woman is Chloe) and she said there's someone she can call - a boyfriend - who can come pick her up. " She turns to the woman who's been randomly shivering and basically acting insane. "Chloe, how can I reach him?"

Chloe (Woman): "He works at Beckers" 
So the tenant googles "Beckers" and finds a location. The tenant calls, stating it's an emergency, and asks to be connected with a man named John. She then gave John an address so that he can come get her. 

Well, that's settled.

Seconds later the tenant returned, "Sarah, I forgot to give him the suite number. Can you call and tell them?" I turn to Chloe. 
Me: "Okay Chloe, just wait a bit longer - she forgot to tell him the suite number."
Chloe shivers uncontrollably, then explodes with rage "WHAT!? She forgot to tell him the suite number? God dammit!!! ***** **** ****!" She picks up the trash can and smacks it back down on the ground. 

I call their office, and a woman answers. I tell her the suite number. She yells out:

Beckers Woman on phone: "John it's suite 3213!"
Me: "No - suite 313, at 4990 Clover drive!"
Beckers Woman on phone: "John, It's suite 313 at 33400 Clover drive --"
Me: "No - 313 at 4990 Clover Drive!"
Woman on phone: "Oh, John! 4990 Clover Drive" she returns to the phone. "I told him not to put her there, she needs to be institutionalized. I think he's walking. I told him to take a cab but he's walking."  

I realize two things. One, this has probably happened many times before.  Two, this man is not coming, just stupid or insane himself. 

I hang up, and Chloe jumps up from the seat and takes off running down the hall into one of my supervisor's office. 

She'd jumped onto a couch, and was cradling one of the couch cushions and rocking back and forth.

Me: "Chloe, you need to go back and sit down."

Chloe: "No!" She exclaims, then begs with a smile "can I stay here with my mom? Can I stay here just a little bit longer with my mom? Please?"

Naturally, I'm at my wits end and about to go crazy myself. 

Me: "Okay you have to stay here and you can't touch anything else." 
Chloe: "Yes ma'am." 

I go back downstairs. Jodie tells me the men are going to bring Chloe downstairs to wait for her contact. I tell her I'm not sure if her contact is coming, and that we should call the cops or whomever. 

Two men follow me back to the office and get her to come out. 
Chloe frowns.
Chloe:  "Ma'am can I have a bag for my stuff? It can be like a garbage bag or something." 
I go and bring her one. She proceeds to remove her junk from my desk and carries her things out and downstairs.

I finish what little work I could before the end of my shift. At 2pm I go outside, and see there's a fire truck and firemen taking her vitals and etc. 

Thank God for firemen and firewomen. 

Do you have a story crazier than mine? Can you top this? Comment or email us and spread the laughter.