“Human Superglue” 

The most awkward and uncomfortable social interaction ever. 

By Sarah Lee

November 17, 2015

Human Glue, but not the good kind. The bad kind, like superglue that sticks your fingers together and just won’t go away until you forcefully pry away or patiently wait until it wears off…hours or days later.

(Note: Hamina is too nice so I'm writing this one.) 

We love having a great friend is always there for us.

But some of us know that one person who just won’t leave us alone.

Important Key Difference: It’s not that this person doesn’t have friends, or is socially awkward (albeit he or she might be socially unaware,) but for whatever reason this person sticks to you like glue.

They can't take a hint - but they also take it to a whole new level. 

You might not even notice the person you are with plans on clinging to you like super glue, until you casually say…

“Okay, it was really awesome hanging out with you but now I really need to go take care of something.”

Then you realize you. can’t. get. rid. of. him…or in my case her.

The best example of socially unaware super glue is *Laura.

When I first met her, I thought she was a sweet little shy transfer student who just wanted to make friends. So one day, I thought I should introduce her to Hamina and her hermanito. 

Everything was fine, but time passed and Hamina, her bro, and I had plans to eat at a Chinese food place about 35 minutes away.

We begin to signal.

“Hey, it was great talking but we need to go. We have other plans, but I’ll see you tomorrow” Cue #1 – exit right.

“Where are you going?” She asks. 

A sinking feeling enters my stomach. I can feel it coming.

“I promised to take Sarah and my brother out to try this Chinese food place to pay her back for lunch the other day” Hamina says with her signature poker face. 

Cue #2 Hamina is paying for me and her brother. Private. 

We drop cues blitzkrieg style. Still, nothing. 

“Cool, I could use some Chinese food.” Laura says. And we have all been super glued. 

And so it begins.

At the restaurant, she drinks from Hamina’s little brother’s cup of juice because she wanted to try it not realizing he’s HATES to drink from the same cup as others because he finds it unsanitary.

She has no money, and so Hamina pays for her food.

We later find out Laura’s boyfriend is a drug dealer and she is an addict. I notice she begins to open a class vial of what looks like the liquid inside of a Hookah pen. She begins to sniff (or snort) it – the car jerks – and she spills it on her backpack. She then begins to hunch over and lick the liquid from her bag.

This is not good because Hamina’s parents would kill her if her car smelled like drugs – even legal ones.

P.S. And this is just one example.

Once, I told her I was going to my room to sleep because I have a shift at work right after that lasts until midnight. But because she wants to wait to avoid rush hour, she asks me if she can hang out in my room. While. I. Am. Sleeping. 

You can mess with my money, you can mess with me, but when you mess with my sleep you have crossed a line. 

*Laura is a pseudonym 

Music Reinterpreted: Hotline Bling

My brother and I are cruising down the highway when I hear the faint sound of Drake's hotline bling on the radio. Being that this is my current jam I start screeching the lyrics with no shame and #noragrets
 
My brother, in an effort to get me to shut the hell up for just one second, tries to distract me with a challenge.

"Sooooo Hamina, what do you think this song means?" It works, I love this game and I am ready with my answer because I have often wondered what this song REALLY means.

The biggest clue is in the line: "I know when that hotline bling / That can only mean one thing"

Here's a hint:

Here's the gist of the story. The song is in the mayor's point of view and the subject of this song is his secretary Ms. Bellum. We all know they had a thing going on, the mayor was tots crushing on his leggy secretary.


She used to call him on his cell phone and the poor infatuated mayor took this to mean that his infatuation wasn't one-sided, despite her calls being purely professional.

So the mayor leaves the city for a professional reason (let's say he is thinking about becoming a governor) but he leaves it in the capable hands of Ms. Bellum and her cell phone calls stop coming.

You know why? Cuz she's got her shit together unlike the flustered ditz of a mayor, she doesn't need to be checked on.

He was at least counting on her cell phone calls in case the hotline rang, cause lets face it, there was always a monster comin' around Townsville. Yet the statuesque ginger knew what that hotline bling meant. It meant the Powerpuff girls need to kick some ass!

The mayor feel dejected and left out as his town is running much smoother without his presence.

This is the obvious truth, nothing else makes sense and when I explained it to my brother he agreed as well.

 Though I realized afterward that by the time I was done explaining the song was over, but that's alright. I still kicked back into my seat and "sang" the song without any music....from the very beginning.

Btw, Sam Smith's cover of the song is just....wow
Click HERE to see the video

The original:
Click HERE to watch

If you have any other theories over this or would like to expand on mine, let me know!

--Laters,

Hamina

Bonus Birthday Present.

Bestie's Birthweek

This week my best friend had her birthday and I decided to dedicate this post to her. Then I came to my senses and realized she was a badass and deserves more than one post.

Sarah pushed me start this blog because she knew I needed it and that's one of the reasons we work. We just know each other and get each other even though we are pretty different. Ima crazy ass weido and she's a mature badass lil ninja. But we are super silly together.

Anyway the gist of this is that we're goofballs and I wanted to share

Hope you like that little nugget. I know when I turned my phone on after class and that was the first message that popped up I laughed really hard. #sorelateable .

So I have decided that Sarah and I are going to post our fav text convos with each other every week or so. Hope you like us as much as we like us.

--Laters

College Conversations: Crazy Lady Comes to Work

COLLEGE CONVERSATIONS

True Story: When a Crazy Woman Comes to Work

by Sarah Lee

6/3/2015

This is a true story that I emailed to Hamina and a couple other friends, but all of the names have been replaced. 

_________________________________________

So, I'm emailing because Hamina seems to have gotten in trouble with her parents. They took her phone away, but also this story was too long to text.

This crazy thing happened today at work and I just have to you tell you guys via story mode. 

There I am, just sitting in my office doing paperwork, making appointments, etc.

A thin woman, probably a little over middle aged, stands outside the glass door to my office in with an orange shirt and really worn jeans with sunglasses on. Her sunglasses are the only thing that looks new - how do I know? She has a huge tag popping out of it. 

The first thing I thought was "that's strange she forgot to take off the tag." But as she walks in I notice she left the "100% UV protection" sticker on the lens too. My second thought: "She stole it."

Woman: "Ma'am I need to check in"

Me: "Check in...? What for?"

Woman: "I'm suicidal and have mental illnesses"

I'm thinking "WTFreak!? HUH!? Whaaat?" but say "um I think you have the wrong office..."

Woman: "I came here last time and I need to check in" I think to myself "nope that's not right."

She reaches for a lollipop, but when I turn to look at her she stops and slowly withdraws her hand like a child who was scolded.

Me: "You can have one if you want...?" I say.

Woman: "No ma'am"

I tell her she needs to wait and sit in the chair in front of my desk. 

The woman completely empties her pockets, and pours the contents onto my desk including several mints (which I guessed were taken from other stores because each one was different) several beaded bracelets, a random pair of tennis shoes with socks stuffed inside, papers, and what I was desperately hoping was not a shiv wrapped in brown tape and paper towels.

I instinctively google "mental illness organizations and institutions" nearby, I call their "hotline" and wait. I was on hold for three phone cycles of ringing, and no one answered. 

I thought "Wow, worst hotline ever."

Then, I go back into the office and talk to a tenant who works from my office.

Me:  "Hey, there's a woman here and she's clearly unstable, said she has mental illness and is suicidal." Her jaw drops but she tells me to go downstairs and tell the secretary of the building, Jodie.

I walk downstairs and there's a group of people huddled at the front door with Jodie.

I flag her down and say "There's a woman in my office and she says she has mental illness and is suicidal." 

Another lady says "Yup, that must be the same woman. She walked into my office and said she was hot. Then she took off her shirt - and there was nothing underneath. I finally told her she needed to put her shirt back on and leave the office."

Jodie sent two guys upstairs with me to remove her from the office. We walked inside. I found the woman hunched over a garbage bag.

Tenant: "Hi Sarah, so I put the trashcan there because she said she's nauseous, and I asked Chloe (I realized our tenant discovered the name of the crazy woman is Chloe) and she said there's someone she can call - a boyfriend - who can come pick her up. " She turns to the woman who's been randomly shivering and basically acting insane. "Chloe, how can I reach him?"

Chloe (Woman): "He works at Beckers" 

So the tenant googles "Beckers" and finds a location. The tenant calls, stating it's an emergency, and asks to be connected with a man named John. She then gave John an address so that he can come get her. 

Well, that's settled.

Not. 

Seconds later the tenant returned, "Sarah, I forgot to give him the suite number. Can you call and tell them?" I turn to Chloe. 

Me: "Okay Chloe, just wait a bit longer - she forgot to tell him the suite number."

Chloe shivers uncontrollably, then explodes with rage "WHAT!? She forgot to tell him the suite number? God dammit!!! ***** **** ****!" She picks up the trash can and smacks it back down on the ground. 

I call their office, and a woman answers. I tell her the suite number. She yells out:

Beckers Woman on phone: "John it's suite 3213!"

Me: "No - suite 313, at 4990 Clover drive!"

Beckers Woman on phone: "John, It's suite 313 at 33400 Clover drive --"

Me: "No - 313 at 4990 Clover Drive!"

Woman on phone: "Oh, John! 4990 Clover Drive" she returns to the phone. "I told him not to put her there, she needs to be institutionalized. I think he's walking. I told him to take a cab but he's walking."  

I realize two things. One, this has probably happened many times before.  Two, this man is not coming, just stupid or insane himself. 

I hang up, and Chloe jumps up from the seat and takes off running down the hall into one of my supervisor's office. 

She'd jumped onto a couch, and was cradling one of the couch cushions and rocking back and forth.

Me: "Chloe, you need to go back and sit down."

Chloe: "No!" She exclaims, then begs with a smile "can I stay here with my mom? Can I stay here just a little bit longer with my mom? Please?"

Naturally, I'm at my wits end and about to go crazy myself. 

Me: "Okay you have to stay here and you can't touch anything else." 

Chloe: "Yes ma'am." 

I go back downstairs. Jodie tells me the men are going to bring Chloe downstairs to wait for her contact. I tell her I'm not sure if her contact is coming, and that we should call the cops or whomever. 

Two men follow me back to the office and get her to come out. 

Chloe frowns.

Chloe:  "Ma'am can I have a bag for my stuff? It can be like a garbage bag or something." 

I go and bring her one. She proceeds to remove her junk from my desk and carries her things out and downstairs.

I finish what little work I could before the end of my shift. At 2pm I go outside, and see there's a fire truck and firemen taking her vitals and etc. 

Thank God for firemen and firewomen. 

Fin.
Do you have a story crazier than mine? Can you top this? Comment or email us and spread the laughter. 

Music Reinterpreted

9-6-2015 

My brother calls me a hipster, but I reject that. To me, hipsters are somewhat music snobs. But I listen to all kinds of music: Top hits, hip hop, rap, indie, classic rock, folk, alternative rock, R&B, even some country. 

Don't Hate Me Because I Have Taste

This is Human Ken, the counterpart to Human Barbie

Plastic Surgeon

I am always open to listening to new things whether or not I like it is a different story. I also love when music becomes mainstream and I believe that fans should always want their artists to achieve success and have the opportunity to share it to others.

My favorite thing about music is that you can always interpret in different ways. 

During long car drives, my brother and I started to come up with meanings to different songs. We would come up with a backstory and just have fun with it. This week I’m going to share with you our meaning behind "I Can't Feel My Face" by the Weeknd".

Reinterpreted:

We think that Abel (the Weeknd) is dating a plastic surgeon. This relationship is not too healthy for him because he has become addicted to the surgeries and she gives them to him for free. 

Furthermore, this plastic surgeon is also addicted to surgeries. They have deep seeded insecurities that no one will love them with the faces they were born with and so they change them repeatedly.

The Lyrics

Listen to the song on Youtube: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqt8Z1k0oWQ

And she'll always get the best of me, the worst is yet to come

HAMINA: "She creates the best physical features on him but only after the worst part, the actual surgery, comes around."

But at least we'll both be beautiful and stay forever young

This I know, (yeah) this I know

HAMINA: "He knows that once they have their new faces they will be their version of beautiful and look young forever."

She told me, "Don't worry about it"

She told me, "Don't worry no more"

HAMINA: "His girlfriend/surgeon assures him to not worry anymore because the source of their insecurities are gone."

We both knew we can't go without it

She told me you'll never be in love oh oh oooh

HAMINA: "His ho tells him that he will never be in love (because he can't love himself) and he will never be able to go without a surgery. (Someone get this whore an award. GF of the year, perhaps?)"

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

And I know she'll be the death of me, at least we'll both be numb

HAMINA: "The surgery makes his face feel numb but he love is because it reminds him that he is now perfection. He knows that these surgeries will be his demise but at least he doesn't feel the pain of his insecurities."

And she'll always get the best of me, the worst is yet to come

All the misery was necessary when we're deep in love

This I know, yes I know, and I know

HAMINA: "He finally feels confident about himself and believes that all the misery of multiple surgeries was worth it. He knows this without a doubt. But honestly, I don't think he knows shit."

She told me, "Don't worry about it"

She told me, "Don't worry no more"

We both knew we can't go without it

She told me you'll never be in love oh oh oooh

HAMINA: "I am pretty sure she doped him up and is brainwashing him."

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

She told me, "Don't worry about it"

She told me, "Don't worry no more"

We both knew we can't go without it

She told me you'll never be in love oh oh oooh

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, but I love it

Lyrics: http://www.directlyrics.com/the-weeknd-cant-feel-my-face-lyrics.html

There you have it, this original idea of plastic surgery was from my brother and we just ran with it. So thanks for that hermanito! 

Also, I am pretty sure this song is actually about drugs and addictions. I do not condone any of these activities. 

If you have your own interpretation let us know!

Texting Theories

Sept. 5, 2015

We all have texted in class.

And some of us have gotten caught. (Most of us learn from it by either hiding it better or just avoiding it all together, but some of us don’t) 

I was once in a class where the professor said that she didn't tolerate the use of any devices in the class whether it was a cell phone, tablet or laptop. 
“Three warnings and then I drop you”.

Not many texts are worth losing the amount of money spent on a university class. Everybody pretty much agreed - except for that one guy.

This one guy always came to class at either the last minute, or late. The professor never called him out for it.

He always came wearing the same type of clothes in different colors: a visor, khaki short that end right at the knee, a pastel polo shirt tucked in and Bluetooth headphones. To me, he looked like he worked as at a country club as a tennis or golf instructor. 

Check out some of my theories below!

Which theory is your favorite? Do you have anymore that you think should be on the list? Let me know in your comments!

Until next time, laters...